So it begins...

I've been wanting to keep a journal again for a long time, and decided that as long as I was at it I might as well put it online. I'm approaching the age of 30, and because of mental health issues I haven't begun to live yet. Now that I'm trying to change things, I've decided to keep track. Why do so on the internet where everyone can see? Who knows?

While trying to imagine what I want from life, it's difficult. I don't want a very busy social life, I'm not the sort of person who wants to have a large group of friends, or who constantly feels the need to 'go out' and do stuff. I prefer having a few, very close friends I can be myself with. But with my social anxiety (mental health problem #1), it's impossible for me to find that with people in person. My friends are all people I've met online, and by a stroke of bad luck (or reverse talent, as I call it), they all live far away. In fact, they all live on the east coast, practically as far away as is possible while still being in the same country. I'm trying to make friends locally, but it's hard.

Just more of a quick intro: I enjoy reading, my favorite subject is history, but I'm also interested in philosophy, psychology, literature, science... I used to be interested in politics, but I've grown to have such contempt for politicians that I don't keep track of current affairs like I used to. I won't be posting any pictures of myself, but I'm not a bad looking guy. A friend once said that I look like an older Harry Potter. Still not sure what to make of that comment.

Basically, I have no friends, no job, and am generally miserable. I don't date. I have fallen in love, but that ended horribly and ended not only my hopes for a happier future, but a wonderful friendship as well. Earlier this month, after about 4.5 years, I got back in touch with her. NH and I have been trying to renew an old friendship, without stumbling into any emotional landmines left over. It's difficult, but worthwhile and probably necessary.

I started college at 16 (running start program), was generally happy and optimistic for the first few years, but eventually my anxiety and depression (mental health problem #2), along with the fact that I had no direction for my life, ended in quitting college, since when I've done nothing.

Things are changing. Getting back in touch with NH has made me feel the need to get moving. As impossible as changing my life may seem right now, I know it can be done. But in a few years of isolation and despair, maybe it will become impossible. Hence the effort to change things.

Because of my interest in poetry and profoundly written words, I've decided to sign off with a quote from somewhere. Every time I've ever had a seriously profound thought, I've later found out that someone already came up with it. Everything's already been said, and since we're all just quoting anyway, I might as well make a hobby of it.

And call no man blessed in his life until
he's crossed life's bounds untouched by ruin still
Sophocles, Oedipus Rex